This post is rated PG. Be forewarned.
There’s a scene in the movie “Love, Actually” which is not for the faint of heart – or the recovering addict, quite honestly – which had me thinking about intimacy.
My wife and I watched the movie over Christmas break and maybe I just forgot it. With so much pop culture input (Dr. Who Christmas special, new season of Community et al), I occasionally have things just fall out of my head. Anyway, one of the storylines in “Love, Actually” involves the characters of John and Judy.
In the movie, John and Judy spend a lot of time in the buff, portraying body doubles who work on adult films. We see them in very states of undress and sexual activity (John, by the way, is played by actor Martin Freeman of “Sherlock” and “The Hobbit”, so you get to see Bilbo as you’ve never imagined).
What is poignant and purposeful to our discussion is that the two of them develop a relationship which has nothing to do with the physical act they are undertaking, but instead has to do with the connection they make through talking and seeing on another away from the sex.
I think this a great illustration of how the definition of intimacy can be so different from what people think of as something solely physical. Now I’m not trying to endorse sex without love or love without sex. The model of these two characters are light years away from the ideal, but it does stir something in the brain.
A love connection (with all apologies to Chuck Woolery) happens when two people find each other, dig down deep to discover what they share and leave room for God to step in. There are many other steps, emotions and miracles involved in what makes a Godly relationship, but the one thing it isn’t is solely the act of physical sex.
And that’s where many men – including yours truly – have lost sight. Sex is not the finish line at the end of the day another day of a relationship. Sex is a meaningful connection that is part of a series of meaningful connections with your spouse. It’s the ultimate conversation in which you learning about each other on all of the levels God has for you. Your spouse the co-start of your adult movie, she is the co-star of your entire life.
The phrase “into-me-see” showed up somewhere in this pursuit for truth. When we are searching for this ideal – true intimacy in a relationship – seeing into the other person is critical. It is through the explorations of those depths (of feeling, connection and understanding) that we truly emerge on the other side knowing them in the best sense.
How are you searching (and finding) intimacy in your relationship?